Harry's "Magic Stick"

pretty self explanatory right? LOL. Great find Farrah, bravo! OMG, Gilly will love this, and especially Sandy. I'll post a real update tomorrow folks, have LOTS to rant about. Good and lots of bad ones, haha! Lick that magic stick... :P

Missing You

mood: Busy
currently listening to: The Reason by Hoobastank

Hmmm..let's see, yeah hard to admit but yes I do miss my bestfriend. Not just because I'm (can I say was?) in love with him but because I miss our friendship, all the good times we've had all those 8 long years. Sad to say that just flew out the window like nothing, it's hard to say who gave up first. Me, who just stopped showing up and texting him or him, who didn't reply back. Its amazing how small Bacolod city is, but it's big enough not to let us see each other. Or its just because it isn't meant to be. My brother and sister see him all the time, but me no. I find it weird, and funny. I say that it's better this way, so I'll forget him faster but no...it only makes me miss him more.

It's funny how hard you try to forget someone, and you end up remembering all the good memories you've had with that person and you find yourself falling all over again. I can try not to remember...but how can I forget? I remember how we started seeing each other again earlier this year after two years since we last saw each other : It started with a text I sent him, telling him that if he's still using the same phone number he should contact me ASAP coz I have something to tell him (I was hoping I could tell him the truth that I do love him). Later that evening, he did reply back to my surprise and asked how I was doing. He later gave me his other cellphone number and said that he might contact me again soon. So I waited. And I didn't wait in vain.

12 0'clock came, I was about to sleep when my phone rang. It's him. Gaah, my heart beated twice as fast and at first I was hesitant if I would answer the call. Hell, I did anyway and yeah we talked for a while. He asked how I was and he said he missed me and all, so did I. The evening ended with me grinning like an idiot. He promised he'd call tomorrow.

So he did. And he asked if I could go to his high school graduation, can I resist? Of course no, even if I know that his gf will be there. I came in a little late, but he did see me in the audience, he even waved at me. I sat with his family and yeah, they said they missed me too and asked how I was doing. The ceremony ended fine, and when he came up to me he laughed and he said he was glad that he's finally taller than me...haha. Later, Mama Olive (yeah I call his grandma Mama too :P) asked if I could stay and have dinner with them...hell, I did.

His gf didn't show up, I learned later through his phone. Well she did show up, but uber late. They fought outside the resto and I just kept my mouth shut and stuffed fries into my mouth. I was having a good day. *evil laugh* After that, he did confess he was pissed at her for not showing up and having a pathetic reason for not being there. He thanked me I showed up on one of the most important moments of his life, and he's glad I'm his best friend. Okay, now I could cry remembering this. *sniff* The night ended with him taking me home and asked if we could hang out again, so we did. For a month or so, after that I ended it.

I miss having him around, I really do. I have to admit he'll be a permanent part of my life. No matter how I try to forget him, I won't. Coz he's already etched in my memory. I remember when he got his guitar and showed it off to me, and said if I could sit and listen to him sing (I didn't know he could, I just found that out when we met again) and so he did. He sang Hoobastank's The Reason with him playing the guitar. Who would've known the jerk could sing? Yeah it was awesome and now everytime I hear it, I remember him. How is he, I wonder. I hope he's doing fine. I have lots to tell him...but I'll save it 'til we meet again, hopefully.

Take care Ael...thanks for the friendship. =)

Random hottie

Lee Jun-ki.

'Coz Asian guys are HOT, even if they look prettier than me. Haha.

1 hour on a hospital bed

*yawn* So yeah, I just slept one hour on a hospital bed. Duh, like I wanted to. The freakin instructor made us wait all day for her to sign my fuckin checklist. She could've told us what time she'll sign, that way I couldn't have waited for like the whole effin day. Pft, I could've gone malling for pete's sake! Oh yeah, I have to get rid of my old hair-do ASAP. I hate it already, it getting drier. I'll ask mom to give me some spending money for it in a while. *evil laugh* So yeah back to the bed thing...it was surprisingly comfy, except there weren't any pillows. But at least I got to rest for a while, eventhough there were four of us (Angel, Jheza and Meanie) cramped together in that bed it was pretty okay. Too bad there wasn't a cutie around to cuddle/spoon with. Haha, I can't believe I just said that. :P

I updated my Myspace, so it isn't crappy anymore. Like yehey, haha.

OMG, Sandy showed Farrah and me some pics of 'em HOT guy friends of hers. Drool overflowed people, haha! We were oggling at our monitors it was silly. I wanted a plane ticket off to California so bad...haha! How hot can her guy friends be? Man, like I envy her lots now. Hey, have you noticed I'm using the word "like" often? Am I becoming a valley girl too? Haha.

I've been having WEIRD dreams lately, mostly with Hendry in it. Eeek, it's freaking me out. I do like the guy but that doesn't mean I wanna snog him or him snogging me! Jeez, some dream alright. Thank goodness its only a dream, coz that would be WRONG. But if its Warlie were talking about then thats another thing. YES to him all the way. Gahaha.

It's supposed to be the semestral break but it seems like we are not having it anyway, with all the school requirements and stuff. Pft. Why did I chose to be a Nurse anyway? Get me outta here! Off to my happy place again...whoosh.

BTW : I learned a new word today courtesy of my friend Pem. It's ASS (After Sex Syndrome) she used that term to Francis when he looked haggard when he joined us after "talking" to Mae. Hehe. "Omg, you're such an ASS." Lol.

Screw it

why did it have to be this way?

Lucky day

So yeah, I'm now using a PC at the school's internet lab and I'm grinning like an idiot? Why you ask? Well I scored today, not once, not twice, but THRICE. *evil laugh* Haha who would've thought that three of my crushes and I share the same clinical instructor? This is my lucky day I guess, although it started shitty to me. First, I got up late so I hurried on the way to school. If that wasn't enough I also left my freakin checklist at home, and I realized that when I got to school. The hell? What was I thinking not to realize that I've forgotten the most important stuff I have to bring? Jeez. So yeah I have to back home again, which cost me another 20 fucking pesos and muscle cramps from walking back and forth. Pft.

Then I finally got to school...that's when things started to brighten up for me. OMG, Warlie said something to me! $!(!^!&!99&$%!#$ I didn't know he was the guy sitting in front of me coz everyone was cramming already, including me. So yeah everyone was shouting and the line was waaaaaay long and I have to get to it fast. I asked for my friend (Precious) to help me with things and she let me borrow her checklist so I can copy a few things. Then this guy in front of me shoves a paper to my face and tapped my hand saying, "Hey, your friend dropped this." and when I looked up it was Warlie. WTF, haha cloud nine I tell ya! I saw my other friend Pem giving me devilish looks from the corner of my eye, haha! OMG Christopher was also there, damn it. He said "Hi" and I almost fainted. I know, how sad. Then yeaaaah Hendry was in a good mood today, good enough to join in the fun I'm having while I was sitting on the vacant hospital bed on the room. The moron's flirt meter was on a all time high today, haha good coz I was in the mood as well. :P

I have loads to tell but nah, you guys are probably bored out of your wits reading my posts anyway. But yeah I am still not over the feeling of actually scoring big time today, gaaaaah somebody slap me. Lolz.

Okay gotta run, many more checklists to sign and uhh..yeah checking out guys as well. Duh? =)

Notice

Looking back

mood:
listening to: Happy by Saving Jane


First of all, I'm posting something good that happened to me today. Gaaah, how about seeing all my crushes (and I mean all) in church unsexpectedly? I'm grinning from ear to ear its silly. Haha. I saw Joey and his equally gorgeous brother Jamie (Benjamin), then there was Joel who was a former buddy at camp, and OMG my Anatomy professor with his *cough* gf. So four J's all together! Bwahaha now thats a party! I mean I didn't know which way to look and to greet who first. Pathetic really, lol. I'm kinda glad I saw sir Jon for the last time, coz he's off to Chicago tomorrow. Wow, some luck. And he said hi first so I'm like in cloud nine today. :P What is it with me with guys with names that starts with either J or M? Hmm... I just noticed this really. Okay now moving on to the sappy part of my rant today (I wasn't expecting something good to happen to me today and I was supposed to start with a sappy post actually) :

Filling up my empty days with red wine

Wonder what you think of me?

Lying in the grass alone and wasted

Nothing’s how it used to be

It's funny how you keep on falling in love over and over again even if you get hurt all the time, as if being hurt once wasn't enough. Is it just me or does love make people do stupid things? Like everytime when you hear a song on the radio that reminds you of him you always end up crying but after that you'll slap yourself from doing so coz its stupid. Or you get drunk coz you got hurt, drowning your pain with booze and all you got is a terrible hangover and an empty pocket the next morning. And you hope he remembers what date is today, coz its supposed to be your monthsary but there's still the possibility he wouldn't.And yeah there's the hope that he'll still think about you, with the smallest expectation that he'll do so when you know that he won't...'coz he's happy with someone else.

I wanna be the first to call and tell you

Yesterday I heard the news

I hear you oughtta be congratulated

So I guess that’s what I’ll do

Forever the martyr, that's what I am. My friend reckons I should be shot coz all martyrs end up dead. But yeah I'm better off dead anyway, than to feel this way. Define martyr? It's letting go, letting go and more letting go. Letting yourself on the losing side. You gamble everything even when you know you'll end up losing in the end. It's pretending to smile and be happy for him when he's with someone else, but deep inside you're dying. You try to be happy and you pretend to be, but you know you aren't. But what can I do? If that makes him happy then I'll let him go. Hah, the true words of a martyr.

I’m so happy for you I could cry

Yeah, I’m so elated

Cross my heart and hope to die

I don’t think about you every night

Before I close my eyes

I’m so happy for you baby, I could cry.

You try not to cry, telling yourself it's stupid like crying over split milk. But then you think about it, then feeling sorry for it. It could've been much better if you got to drink it all. But there are the factors : the table wasn't strong enough to support the glass coz you hurried on making it; he wants juice, but you can't give him that. Coz thats what you are: milk, but you can't be juice and you'll never be; he doesn't like how the milk tastes anymore, so might as well tip and over and spill it on the floor coz he realizes he didn't want milk after all. Funny how I use spilt milk as a metaphor. I'm a certified sicko now.

Listen to the sound of my head pounding

Wish that it was make-believe

Praying for the skies to open up and

Wash away your memory

I can walk around with a pretty face on

Even when I’m black and blue

What’s the point in telling everybody

I’m not over you.

You feel stupid for falling in love in the first place, but you already did so its too late to take it back. It's your fault in the first place. You go out everyday pretending to be fine, joking with all your friends telling them you're so over him and say that he wasn't that much of a matter at all. You can fool everybody, but not yourself. You're still the Shine that sulks in the room, listening to music and crying every night feeling miserable for yourself. You're still that someone who wished you have never loved at all, if it only hurts this way. You're afraid to love again, coz everytime you do so you get hurt. You're always the one who gets left behind. You're always the sorry one. You still hate yourself, for not being not like this and like that. But what's use? You can never be her, or her or her. You'll still be the same person no matter how hard you try. You hope that someday there's someone who'll finally come along and see you for who you are, without letting you feel inferior, and love you for what you are. But then, you get tired of waiting. You always ask when...hoping it'll be soon.

Cry about the love we used to have

Cry that I won’t ever get you back

Yeah you've told him you're okay with it. Told him that you're happy for him and you're moving on. You've told him he's already forgiven and you'll stay as friends no matter what happens. That's the problem with me, I'm easy to forgive. Just like that, we're good. It is easy to say, "It's okay, I've forgiven you." but how can I forget? Forget all that we've talked about, all the fun we had. How can I forget? Tell me, coz I want to. But that's the problem, I can't. No matter how hard I try, I still remember. And I still cry about it, I have to admit. I still play our song, I still read your emails. I still talk about you, I still think about you. But I know, it didn't work and it'll never will. And that's whats killing me. If only...

I’m so happy for you I could cry

Yeah, I’m so elated

Cross my heart and hope to die

I’m so happy for you So, so happy for you

I don’t think about you every night

Before I close my eyes

I’m so happy for you baby, I could cry.

Sarcasm : my anti-drug. If you only knew how I die everyday, how hard it is for me to say I'm okay with everything. But you don't. Do you even care? I hope you're happy right now, well I'm sure you are. I don't know what to say anymore to be honest, coz if I say anything further I will cry. Hell, I already am. But no matter what you do, it'll still hurt. Even if how careful you try to say things not to hurt me they always will. I know you still care for me and I thank you for doing so, but you can't help but to hurt me more. It's okay, its not you its me. I'm driving myself crazy. How can I be happy? I wish I could, but I'll never be. But for you...I'll try.

October 15, 2006.

Happy Monthsary. Here's to what it might have been.

'Til next rant,

Shine

Insensitive

Yeah, the song says it all. Pft, go figure. That's all I'm going to post for today. Oh yeah I made a few changes in my blog: I changed my display pic so its uglier than before, haha. And I posted a playlist below with all my uh..fave songs at the moment. :P Someone please just shoot me right now, lol. Sandy I hope you feel better now, I'll be here to listen okay? LOve yah dee...*hugs* 'Til next rant. Byebye

Sssss....

Okay, this week has been really something for me. I know I should be on a blog leave, but nah I take it back. Haha, the same goes for the PCD song "I Don't Need A Man", coz it's my official theme song now. What a loser I make, haha! So there. I lost at the Speech Fest competition, so did our group. But no matter, we did our best and that's what matters. We got close though (our group) and I think that's the best thing this contest has given me. At first it was odd, being with a bunch of people I just knew this second year of college. I was hesitant joining the verse choir, but I joined anyway. I gained friends so it's all good. I may not be rich financially, but I have the bestest friends anyone could ask for. So yeah, holler to all those whom I've met and befriended throughout the years. =)

I had fun at the competition though, especially when I got to see *cough* Warlie again. Gaah, I stutter everytime I see him. I act a like a total school girl its sad. Haha, I finally said a word to him the other day when my classmates learned about my undying crush on the guy they called him when he was passing by and introduced me to him. Yeah...some friends! Lol. I finally managed to utter a pathetic "Hi," and waved at him. He smiled and I almost fainted...not! :P I saw him again on the contest proper and I can't look at him for pete's sake, but I can feel him looking at me. Gaaah, what to do what to do? Whatevs.

I'm also thinking of cutting my hair, coz I just feel like having a new look. I'm getting tired of my hair, I feel like I look older with it long. The only reason I've kept it long was because ex-guy bestfriend Mishael wanted it that way, saying it was the most softest thing he has touched. Ohkaaay. And there's no reason keeping it long now, coz we don't effin talk anymore. Besides, Marc wanted my hair shorter. Lol. Now I'm sincerely praying they don't have the links to my blog. Wait, Hendry likes my hair long I think. Hmm... *slaps self* haha!

Semestral Break is fast approaching...weee! Masskara festival here I come! Can't wait to finally take a loooong rest and get ready for a dreaded second sem of Nursing. I just hope I'm still alive when the school year ends. I'll be having clinical duties soon, and be really really busy. No matter, I can't wait to finally wear my nightingale/duty uniform. Hehe. But I don't think I'll be checking out the cutie BSBio students that'll be studying next year though, had enough action already. Pft. I'll be allergic to anything attributed to that course for a while, until we get things straight. REPLY TO MY GODDAMN EMAIL! Sheessh.

Oh yeah back to the Sssss thing, yesterday my dog Louie suddenly barked like crazy in the middle of the night, pissing me off. I went out to check out what's wrong, maybe some stray cat entered the yard again. But there he was, barking at the bush just a feet away from where I stood. Sandy barked with Louie now, louder than before and was trying to catch something that was making the bush shake. Suddenly Louie caught something and pulled it out from there, scaring the daylights outta me. It was a freaking snake, about 2 feet long. WTF?! I screamed, in fear of it biting me or the possibility of it landing at my feet 'coz the fuckin dog was headed towards me with the twitching snake at its mouth. Waaah, so yeah i woke up the whole house (maybe the neighborhood even) and dad came out of the house carrying this huge knife and hacked the snake until it died. Louie and Sandy ate its remains...yech. I feel bad for the snake though, but hell, it could've bit me if I got any nearer to that bush. *shivers*

Can you believe that? Me, the Slytherin heiress scared of a snake? Haha. I have lots of explaining to do Draco...I know. My bad. Bwahaha.

'Til next rant, gotta study for the exam tomorrow. Sod it.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!

It's Draco's favorite day...*evil laugh* Die mudbloods, die!

Parang kami, parang hindi

Ate Icar posted this on Pex yesterday, I know I'm on blog leave (supposedly) but I can't resist posting this. This is so me, it's freaking me out. It's in tagalog so sorry to those who can't understand it, lol. Kudos to those who can. For the rest of you guys feeling like shit, let's toast to it. To those who have a lovelife, screw you. Kidding.

--------------------

"Parang Kayo, Parang Hindi"

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."

They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.

They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even

her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?

Sila kaya?

"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.

They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo- boyfriends.

Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.

Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.

Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo." This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls? Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it.

Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.

Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.

Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing. When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.

Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ... almost, but not quite.

-------------------------------------------------

See what I mean? This hit me bigtime. It's so me, except the example or the characters given. But still it opened up my eyes to something. I'm half-drunk, not stupid. Had too many beers but I can still think straight. Semestral break is fast approaching, dunno if I can still enjoy it much. I've doing good, moving on day by day. But still the realization still hurts. Coz something inside me still wants him back, and I've been listening to the same effin song for the 3oth time now (like i'm counting) but who cares? Its over, he ended it. And it still hurts.

Goodbye...for now.

SHINE IS ON TEMPORARY BLOG LEAVE 'TIL FURTHER NOTICE

(and I mean further notice, oh make that after I get really drunk and stupid, haha!)

Hey, maybe I won't be blogging anymore. Let's see. But for now, off to the bar to get some booze. Pft, stupid life. Everything's screwed up including me. Bye.

Bittersweet

mood:dunno what it is really. uh happy but sad? eeek.
listening to: Hurt by Christina Aguilera

I had a pretty interesting, happy and screwed up day today. So its all weird. I didn't do good in the Anatomy tests so yeah goodbye exemptions on the final exam. Pft, I changed my answers on some items when they were correct the way they were. Don't you just hate that? And you sometimes wish time can go backwards so that you can correct the mistakes you've made, whether in tests or in life. It'll be cool huh? Too bad you can't turn back time. *sigh*

The fun part came in on my last class for the day : Stratedgies on Health Education. We were having return demos on every topic assigned to us and it was Annalin's turn and her topic was Sexual Positions. So judging from the topic alone you can be sure that we had a blast. I was laughing so hard my sides hurt, not too mention teary-eyed from laughing. It was informative, but nah, I knew all the stuff she said waaaaay back. Let's say I know A LOT. *evil laugh* But yeah, after that it was back to feeling miserable again. Don't ask, I feel bad already.

Hey, I'm posting some excerpts from the song Hurt to give you a glimpse of how I pretty much feel. So yeah, here are some lines I like:

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

So yeah, that pretty much describes it. *sigh* Well, back to my little corner now I guess, and sulk and feel bad about everything. How can you forgive someone when that someone is yourself? And what am I talking about? Haha, am I talking sense into you guys? Guess not, 'coz I don't understand myself either. It's raining outside by the way, so yeah it's pretty much gloomy.

Life is so complicated. Darn it.

Random Top Ten Songs

Okay, I'm a sucker for good music so yeah here is the list of my random Top Tens:

Top Ten Breaking-up Songs

1. It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects

2. Don't Forget About Us - Mariah Carey

3. Let Me Go - Three Doors Down

4. Do I Have To Cry For You - Nick Carter

5. Say Goodbye - Jordan Mcknight

6. Hurt - Christina Aguilera

7. Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

8. Before I Let You Go - Freestyle

9. Everytime - Britney Spears

10. What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

~*~*~*~

Top Ten Feel Good Songs

1. Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake

2. Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado

3. Sexy Love - Neyo

4. Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects

5. Lying Is The Most Fun... - Panic! At The Disco

6. Sugar We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy

7. Buttons - Pussy Cat Dolls

8. This Love - Maroon 5

9. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas

10. Unfaithful - Rihanna

~*~*~*~

Top Ten Love Songs

1. You And Me - Lifehouse

2. Collide - Howie Day

3. When Love And Hate Collide - Deff and Leppard

4. Half Crazy - Freestyle

5. The Reason - Hoobastank

6. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

7. Kiss By A Rose - Seal

8. I Knew I Love You - Savage Garden

9. Kiss Me - Sixpence Non The Richer

10. Don't Speak - No Doubt

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I know, so random right? Haha. How lame of me. More to come when I think of other Top Ten's. And yeah Dee don't look at me like that! I know what you're thinking! Pft. Did I tell ya that I was oggling watching the cute waiter serve other customers at a restaurant I was eating at with my dad yesterday? Oh I did, sheessh what a loser! Haha!

Masskara Season finally started, time to party! Yahoo! Maymee lets paint the town red! Waah! Can't wait. Oktoberfest here we come! Haha! Okay okay, I won't drink. Riiight. Lol.

Enough ranting, I'm talking gibberish anyway. :P

Byers!

Aww...that hurt

Cute, aint he? Hehe, reminds me of my dog Louie. He looks just like the puppy in the pic. Lol. Anyways, back to updating my blog. Yeah, my head hurts. Woke up this morning with a fever and a headsplitting headache. I got soaked by rain on my way home so that's the reason why I got fever the next day. I feel a little better, but I feel like I have hangover or something. So more or less, I feel buzzed and a bit sleepy.

Something weird happened to me when I was on my way home yesterday. I was walking on the side street, towards the jeepney stop when I suddenly felt pain on my right foot like something pricked me. I took off my shoe (which was embarassing enough) and guess what I found? A thumbtack! A freakin thumbtack on my shoe! What the hell was wrong with this city? Who leaves/scatters a thumbtack on the pavement? Man, that was sick! So yeah my foot bled and now I walk with a little difficulty. Stupid thumbtack. Pft.

Oh yeah, I missed practice today 'coz I'm sick. I feel bad about it. I must make it up to them next time. Sorry guys, got sick so yeah. I'll be present next time. Hugs!

A funny thing happened to me btw. There's this guy Warlie in my school, who's a a hottie and everyone seems to have a crush on him (okay I have a crush on the guy too but thats it). Recently, I added him on friendster which he kindly accepted but we don't talk at all. I see him everyday and he's friends with my classmates and all but I don't say a word to him. I dunno, I always wait for someone to talk to me before I talk back. The funny thing is, coz I started having crush on him since first year so yeah he always caughts me everytime I stare at him coz for some strange reason he looks back. Pft. Right. So I reckon he knows me by my face or something. Lol.

When I was surfing the net at the school's internet lab, my friend and I were at disbelief that he actually accepted my invitation at friendster (which was lame), and some minutes after guess who walks in? Him. Jeez, my friend kept on teasing me but I was cool about it. Didn't say a thing to him but I just stared at him when he was facing the other way, lol! He saw me stare at him which was even more embarassing, sending my friend into controlled giggles. Whatevs.

So yeah, I had an uncomfortable time sitting there with him on the other side of my PC. So I decided to leave with my friend. While we were waiting for my ID to be logged out, I saw my friend Harlene sitting beside Warlie. I greeted her saying, "Hey Harlene," and waved at her and wtf, he turned his head to look at me! That's when I realized, he must've thought I called his name! Get it? Harlene and Warlie. Close enough. So yeah, this time he got embarassed! Haha priceless! I was smirking all day, go me.

To end this post, I would just like to clarify that Warlie is just a crush and nothing more. Dee I know what you're thinking! Pft. So yeah, we don't talk at all so nothing to be worried about Jace. Hehe. You and Me played again on the radio earlier today, that got me to get off of bed. :P And yeah our housekeeper was probably surprised when I suddenly got up and jumped up and down squeeing. Yeah I know, what a loser I make. Gaah, whatta day. I feel drowsy. *zzzzzz*

off to dreamland,
Shine

Behind the white sheets lie...eeeek! Haha

Unspoken horror that's what. Haha, if its Mark and Hendry performing bed bath behind it. Ewww! I can't believe I took a peek. I thought it was Carol and Jen in there. The horror. LOL. Okay, let's just pretend I didn't see anything (like there was anything to see, loser!). So yeah, just wanna say thanks to you guys for making me laugh so hard today. Mark I must say you have the coolest sense of humor ever. But yeah try to not make Carmini cry the next time you tease her. Sheessh. Thanks for showing off your so-called abs. Pft, your ribcage is practically visible from here. Eat up boy! Haha!

Omg, Hendry has new-found talent. He can fit into the OHP table. You're passable for the circus! Haha! Sorry about hearing that you and Yumi broke up. *pats him on the back* There are many more fish in the ocean, but its how you get them thats the problem. LOL. Good luck with that.

Gaah, I won second place in the flower arranging contest. Maybe I was destined to be a florist and not a nurse. Hehe. Well, if its being Jace's nurse I wouldn't mind. OMG, did I just say that?! Gahaha. You better be online on Wednesday babe, or else. Kidding. :P Kisses! Maybe we could do that doctor and nurse thing again. Whoopsies! Dee I know, I'm a loser! LOL.

So I pretty much arranged flowers and rolled on the hospital laughing all day, not much fun. But tomorrow's practice day again so I might roll over the floor this time laughing. Haha, we better win or we're so dead on Health Care. Scary, so break a leg people! 'Til next rant, I'm buzzed. :P